Love Addiction
There is a difference between love and sex, even with regard to addictions. Love addiction is a pattern of frequent relationships with a person that was “meant for me”. Sometimes there are long-term relationships but they will normally have the pattern of frequent and very intense highs and lows, which create the same pattern as frequent relationships. Love addiction is difficult to identify due to the fact that in our society, two people in a loving relationship is often viewed in a positive way. The problem is the extreme internal intensity of emotions; the almost life or death experience that the relationship dictates for the love addict. It is not like addictive alcohol or drug use where we see the person falling over or slurring their speech. The love addict feels that being in love is as necessary as air itself and that without love there is unbearable pain and aloneness. They perceive love as an answer to all of their problems. Yet, in reality love is the love addict’s primary problem.

The Hero Syndrome is frequent enough that it needs to be noted as a part of love addiction. The hero is seen as rescuing their love interest from a lower station in life, or from a terrible danger and is forever after the object of their undying love and adoration. It also works the other way around, how many women dream about the man who is going to come and save them? He will be rich and strong and protect them and care for them therefore they will never have to worry or be afraid again. The fantasy is alive even today in 2012. Women’s rights and power positions in the work place are a reality; however the Love Addict is a fantasy dreamer.

Profile of a Love Addict (may have some or all of these)

  • Low self-esteem
  • Stalking
  • Uncomfortable in a social situations
  • Debilitating immaturity in regard to personal relationships
  • Relationships driven by intensity vs. reality
  • Obsessive thoughts
  • Possessive triggered by fear
  • Jealousy triggered by insecurity
  • No healthy boundaries
  • Self-mutilation

Sex Addiction
Where love addiction is masked as a joyous and wonderful event, sex addiction tends to be a shame based, guilt ridden, and secretive addiction. Sex addicts are often obsessed with sex to the point of their life being dominated and driven by their secret sex addiction. Generally the sex addict does not form a bond with any sex partners but does feel a lack of control over the behavior despite negative consequences including financial, legal, social, health and emotional.

Behaviors Associated with sexual addiction:

  1. Compulsive masturbation (we are talking lost weekends, missing work, major issue, big problem)
  2. Multiple affairs (extra-marital affairs)
  3. Multiple anonymous sexual-partners-one-night stands
  4. Consistent use of pornography
  5. Unsafe sex
  6. Prostitution or use of prostitutes
  7. Exhibitionism
  8. Obsessive dating through personal ads
  9. Voyeurism (watching others) and/ or Sexual stalking
  10. Computer Sex (the accessibility of computers has made cyber porn addiction a huge problem for untold numbers of people.
  11. Phone sex (can get expensive)

For confidential help to overcome these difficult issues, contact me today at (973)359.0662 or Email: info@bpaolo.com for help and further information.